“I am not going to give you a destination. I can only give you a direction- awake, throbbing with life and the unknown, always surprising, unpredictable. I’m not going to give you a map. I can give you only a great passion to discover. Yes, a map is not needed; great passion, great desire to discover is needed.” – Trust, OSHO
I have experienced moments in the last few years where I have struggled to have total faith in the universe. Since then I have come to understand that personal doubt, lack of confidence, anxiety and depression all stem from an underlying lack of trust in the world. Without trusting your path, without trusting the process that is unfolding for you, you can become unbalanced and may begin to feel lost. Many of us have been there, I’ve definitely been there more than once. In the past, I might have referred to ‘anxiety’, but that word is so loaded with negative connotations, I prefer not to use it much anymore. When I came across “lack of trust in the universe” as a description for anxiety – in a book which explains the spiritual significance of illness’- it immediately resonated with me, and has since helped me to understand my own self, especially the parts of me that I struggle to accept.
My whole life I’ve always known that the ocean is something very special, that it has a power beyond what I can comprehend in my mind. It is something I can’t rationally understand, but I feel its presence as something powerful and holier than thou, if you will. When I was young I would lay for hours in the waves, allowing them to wash over me, feeling completely timeless and blissful. Since then my relationship with the ocean has been growing, and I have to say that some of the deepest and most meaningful experiences I’ve had have been in the sea.
Four years ago I felt my life becoming static, I had studied so hard that I didn’t want to do it anymore, for a while a least, and my life in the UK wasn’t interesting for me. I decided to go South America for the first time and spent half a year teaching myself to surf. I went out every day, for about four or five hours, and made no plans other than to follow direction from surfers I met along the way. I dropped down sizes in surf boards as I became more confident, and took myself to more advanced surf beaches throughout my travels, eventually finding myself paddling out into 10 ft waves in the south of Nicaragua (not that I actually caught any of them, but i like to say that I’ve been in the thick of it).
Surfing began to give me a sense of newfound strength. Paddling out, using my arms to propel me through the water, feeling the board beneath me and giving myself the challenge of getting outback every day was so fulfilling. Every time I made it there, I would sit on my board and feel the greatest sense of achievement. I felt so appreciative of the ocean for keeping me safe, for allowing me to have so much fun, for the peace that I felt emanating through me. Looking into the horizon and seeing a line of blue where the sky met the sky represented ultimate peace to me. Watching birds soar open winged across the expanse of water represented ultimate freedom. Being there, I knew that I had only myself to depend on, to get me in and out of the waves, and I began to feel a strong sense of trust.
Since then, I have known that returning to the ocean will bring me back to peace and calm. I can lie on my board, feel the huge mass of ocean water supporting me, and let go of distrust. It is in the process of letting go that we align ourselves on the right path again. Letting go is inherent in the art of surfing, and is sometimes even the key to survival. The best way to come afloat in big waves is to relax your body and breathing; most big wave surfers have said that the key to survival is not panicking. The same can be applied to life. If you find yourself in a situation of chaos, the best thing you can do is to relax and listen to your inner guidance about which path to take. Going surfing, or doing something else that you love and that takes you into the flow state, will raise your vibration.
“Then I leave you alone. Then you go on your own. Move into the vast, into the infinite, and by and by learn to trust it. Leave yourself in the hands of life, because life is God. When Jesus says, “Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done”, he is saying this… a great trust. Even if God brings death, there is nothing to be afraid of. It is he who is bringing death, so there must be a reason in it, there must be a hidden secret in it, there must be a teaching in it. He’s opening a door.
This is what I call the real prayer. And then you will have direction. You need not worry about it, you need not fix it – you can move with trust.” – Trust, OSHO